Ividyo Kliphu
Lyrics
Mom, I know I let you down
– Mama, ngiyazi ukuthi ngikudumazile
And though you say the days are happy
– Futhi nakuba uthi izinsuku ziyajabula
Why is the power off and I’m fucked up?
– Kungani amandla evaliwe futhi ngiphambukile?
And, Mom, I know he’s not around
– Futhi, Mama, ngiyazi ukuthi akekho
But don’t you place the blame on me
– Kodwa ungangibeki icala
As you pour yourself another drink, yeah
– Njengoba uzithela esinye isiphuzo, yebo
I guess we are who we are
– Ngicabanga ukuthi singobani
Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
– Izibani zangaphambili zikhanya ebusuku obumnyama, ngiyaqhubeka
Maybe we took this too far
– Mhlawumbe sikude kakhulu lokhu
I went in headfirst, never thinkin’ about who what I said hurt
– Ngaya kuqala, angikaze ngicabange ngokuthi ubani engimshilo ukuthi ulimele
In what verse, my mom probably got it the worst
– Kuliphi ivesi, cishe umama wakuthola kubi kakhulu
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are, did I take it too far?
– Umthwalo wayo omkhulu, kodwa njengoba sinenkani, ingabe ngayithatha yaya kude kakhulu?
“Cleanin’ Out My Closet” and all them other songs
– “Ukuhlanza Ikhabethe lami” nazo zonke ezinye izingoma
But regardless, I don’t hate you ‘cause, Ma
– Kodwa noma kunjalo, angikuzondi ngoba, Mama
You’re still beautiful to me, ‘cause you’re my mom
– Usengimuhle kimi, ngoba ungumama wami
Though far be it from you to be calm
– Nakuba kude nawe ukuba uzole
Our house was Vietnam, Desert Storm
– Indlu yethu yayiyivietnam, Isiphepho Sasogwadule
And both of us put together could form an atomic bomb
– Futhi sobabili sihlangene singakha ibhomu le athomu
Equivalent to chemical warfare
– Okulingana nempi yamakhemikhali
And forever we could drag this on and on
– Futhi kuze kubeeverade sasingakudonsa lokhu ngezikhathi ezithile
But agree to disagree, that gift for me
– Kodwa vuma ukungavumelani, leso sipho kimi
Up under the Christmas tree don’t mean shit to me
– Ngaphansi kwesihlahla Sikakhisimusi akusho lutho kimi
You’re kickin’ me out? It’s fifteen degrees
– Ingabe uyangikhipha? Amazinga ayishumi nanhlanu
And it’s Christmas Eve, “Little prick, just leave!”
– Futhi Kungobusuku Bangaphambi Kukakhisimusi, ” little prick, vele ushiye!”
Ma, let me grab my fucking coat!
– Mama, ake ngithathe ijazi lami!
Anything to have each other’s goats
– Noma yini yokuba nezimbuzi zomunye nomunye
Why we always at each other’s throats?
– Kungani sihlale sisemphinjeni womunye nomunye?
Especially when Dad, he fucked us both
– Ikakhulukazi lapho Ubaba, wasiphatha kabi sobabili
We’re in the same fuckin’ boat
– Sisesikebheni esifanayo
You’d think that’d make us close (Nope)
– Ungacabanga ukuthi lokho kuzosenza sisondele (Cha)
Further away it drove us, but together, headlights shine
– Kude kakhulu kwasishukumisela, kodwa ndawonye, izibani eziphambili ziyakhanya
And a car full of belongings, still got a ways to go
– Futhi imoto egcwele izinto, isenezindlela zokuhamba
Back to grandma’s house, it’s straight up the road
– Emuva endlini kagogo, iqonde emgwaqweni
And I was the man of the house, the oldest
– Futhi ngangingumuntu wendlu, omdala kunabo bonke
So my shoulders carried the weight of the load
– Ngakho amahlombe ami ayethwala isisindo somthwalo
Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight-years-old
– Khona-Ke Unate wathathwa umbuso eneminyaka eyisishiyagalombili ubudala
And that’s when I realized you were sick
– Futhi yilapho ngaqaphela khona ukuthi uyagula
And it wasn’t fixable or changeable
– Futhi kwakungeke kulungiswe noma kushintshwe
And to this day we remain estranged, and I hate it though, but—
– Futhi kuze kube namuhla sihlala sihlukanisiwe, futhi ngiyakuzonda, kodwa—
I guess we are who we are
– Ngicabanga ukuthi singobani
Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
– Izibani zangaphambili zikhanya ebusuku obumnyama, ngiyaqhubeka
Maybe we took this too far
– Mhlawumbe sikude kakhulu lokhu
‘Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
– Ngoba kuze kube namuhla sisahlukanisiwe futhi ngiyakuzonda
‘Cause you ain’t even get to witness your grandbabies grow
– Ngoba awukwazi ngisho nokubona ogogo bakho bekhula
But I’m sorry, Mama, for “Cleanin’ Out My Closet”
– Kodwa ngiyaxolisa, Mama, ngoba ” Ukuhlanza Ikhabethe lami”
At the time I was angry, rightfully? Maybe so
– Ngaleso sikhathi ngangithukuthele, ngokufanelekile? Mhlawumbe kunjalo
Never meant that far to take it, though
– Nokho, kwakungakaze kusho ukude kangako
‘Cause now I know it’s not your fault, and I’m not makin’ jokes
– Ngoba manje ngiyazi ukuthi akulona iphutha lakho, futhi angenzi amahlaya
That song I no longer play at shows
– Leyo ngoma angisayidlali emibonisweni
And I cringe every time it’s on the radio
– Futhi ngiyakhathazeka njalo lapho isemsakazweni
And I think of Nathan being placed in a home
– Futhi ngicabanga Ukuthi Unathan wabekwa ekhaya
And all the medicine you fed us and
– Futhi yonke imithi usondle futhi
How I just wanted you to taste your own
– Indlela engangifuna nje ukuba unambithe eyakho
But now the medication’s takin’ over
– Kodwa manje imithi ithatha
And your mental state’s deterioratin’ slow
– Futhi isimo sakho sengqondo siwohloka kancane
And I’m way too old to cry, this shit is painful, though
– Futhi ngimdala kakhulu ukuba ngikhale, kodwa lokhu kubuhlungu
But, Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo
– Kodwa, Mama, ngiyakuthethelela, kanjalo Nonathan, yo
All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both
– Konke okwenzile, konke okushilo, wenza konke okusemandleni akho ukusikhulisa sobabili
Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours
– Ukunakekela izingane ezingazali, leso siphambano osithwele, zimbalwa ezingaba nzima njengezakho
But I love you, Debbie Mathers
– Kodwa ngiyakuthanda, Debbie Mathers
Oh, what a tangled web we have ‘cause
– Oh, yeka inethiwekhi eyinkimbinkimbi esinayo ‘ imbangela
One thing I never asked was
– Into eyodwa engingakaze ngiyibuze ukuthi
Where the fuck my deadbeat dad was
– Lapho ubaba wami ongenalo ithemba ayekhona
Fuck it, I guess he had trouble keepin’ up with every address
– Ngicabanga ukuthi wayenenkinga yokuhambisana nawo wonke amakheli
But I’da flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus
– Kodwa ngangiphenduka wonke umatilasi, wonke ama-rock nama-cactus asehlane
Owned a collection of maps
– Wayeneqoqo lamamephu
And followed my kids to the edge of the atlas
– Futhi walandela izingane zami emaphethelweni e atlas
If someone ever moved ’em from me
– Uma othile engake wabasusa kimi
That you coulda bet your asses
– Ukuthi ungabheja izimbongolo zakho
If I had to come down the chimney, dressed as Santa, kidnap ’em
– Uma kwakudingeka ngehle eshimini, ngigqoke njengosanta, ngibathumbe
And although one has only met their grandma once
– Futhi nakuba umuntu eye wahlangana nogogo wabo kanye kuphela
You pulled up in our drive one night
– Ngolunye usuku wena wafika ngemoto yethu
As we were leavin’ to get some hamburgers
– Njengoba sasihamba siyothola ama-hamburger
Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you
– Mina, yena Nonate, sakwethula, sakugona
And as you left, I had this overwhelming sadness
– Futhi njengoba uhamba, ngaba nalolu sizi olukhulu
Come over me as we pulled off to go our separate paths and
– Woza phezu kwami njengoba sasihamba ukuze sihambe ngezindlela zethu ezihlukene futhi
I saw your headlights as I looked back
– Ngabona izibani zakho njengoba ngangibheka emuva
And I’m mad I didn’t get the chance to
– Futhi ngiyahlanya angizange ngithole ithuba
Thank you for being my mom and my dad
– Ngiyabonga ngokuba ngumama nobaba
So, Mom, please accept this as a
– Ngakho, Mama, sicela wamukele lokhu njengoba
Tribute; I wrote this on the jet, I guess I had to
– Ukuhlonipha; ngibhale lokhu endizeni, ngicabanga ukuthi kwakudingeka
Get this off my chest, I hope I get the chance to
– Susa lokhu esifubeni sami, ngithemba ukuthi ngizothola ithuba
Lay it ‘fore I’m dead, the stewardess said to fasten
– Lay it ‘fore i’ m dead, the stewardess said to fasten
My seatbelt, I guess we’re crashin’
– Ibhande lami lokuphepha, ngicabanga ukuthi siyaphahlazeka
So, if I’m not dreamin’, I hope you get this message that
– Ngakho, uma ngingaphuphi, ngithemba ukuthi uzothola lo myalezo
I will always love you from afar, ‘cause you’re my mom
– Ngiyohlale ngikuthanda ukude, ngoba ungumama wami
I guess we are who we are
– Ngicabanga ukuthi singobani
Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
– Izibani zangaphambili zikhanya ebusuku obumnyama, ngiyaqhubeka
Maybe we took this too far
– Mhlawumbe sikude kakhulu lokhu
I want a new life (Start over)
– Ngifuna impilo entsha (Start kabusha)
One without a cause (Clean slate)
– Omunye ngaphandle imbangela (slate Ehlanzekile)
So I’m coming home tonight (Yeah)
– Ngibuyela ekhaya namuhla (Yebo)
Well, no matter what the cost
– Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kubiza malini
And if the plane goes down
– Futhi uma indiza yehla
Or if the crew can’t wake me up
– Noma uma iqembu lingakwazi ukungivusa
Well, just know that I’m alright
– Yazi nje ukuthi ngilungile
I was not afraid to die
– Ngangingesabi ukufa
Oh, even if there’s songs to sing
– Oh, ngisho noma kunezingoma okufanele ziculwe
Well, my children will carry me
– Yebo, izingane zami zizongithwala
Just know that I’m alright
– Yazi nje ukuthi ngilungile
I was not afraid to die
– Ngangingesabi ukufa
Because I put my faith in my little girls
– Ngoba ngibeke ukholo lwami emantombazaneni ami amancane
So I’ll never say goodbye cruel world
– Ngakho angisoze ngavalelisa izwe elinonya
Just know that I’m alright
– Yazi nje ukuthi ngilungile
I am not afraid to die
– Angesabi ukufa
I guess we are who we are
– Ngicabanga ukuthi singobani
Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
– Izibani zangaphambili zikhanya ebusuku obumnyama, ngiyaqhubeka
Maybe we took this too far
– Mhlawumbe sikude kakhulu lokhu
I want a new life
– Ngifuna ukuphila okusha
[Produced by Emile Haynie & Jeff Bhasker]
– [Ikhiqizwe Ngu-Emile haynie Nojeff Bhasker]
